It about that time of year...

Not entirely sure where I left it last time, but it must be over a year since the last update. So here goes a bullt point list of stuff that has happened over 12 months:

• Got a crap job
• Quit the crap job shortly after
  
• Got a great job
• Got downsized
• Got married
• Had a baby
  
• Got upsized... got another greater job... yay!

And there you have it in a small nutshell

A lot has happened since...

Its been a long time... I guess I'm just not a dedicated blogger like the rest of the world. I've been here rather a long time I guess, but it has all flown by really. Thailand began to feel like home some months ago but I'm still not local as I have consistently failed to learn Thai... mainly as my girlfriend took on the role of interpretor at an early stage leaving me with no requirement to learn the undulating ins and outs of a complex tonal language. Sadly we are no longer together thus I am suddenly thrust into a world where the majority have as rudimentry English as I have their own language.

With a new job starting soon, hopefully with more reasonable hours, I will be in a position to take lessons and expand on my current repertoire of yes, no, thank you, a little, delicious, 1-10, sorry and 'Thai whisky please'.

So hoping to hear in the next couple of days about the new job... a bit exciting as the company in question are near the top of the pile for SE Asia, actually, I am advised that they are the top, and expanding rapidly.

We are in the rainy season right now but its not the sort of crazed weather I had expected... I haven't looked into it much but I reckon the major monsoon has passed us by and China is getting our share, given the tragic evnts unfolding there. We had a whole mass of early rains a couple of months ago but now it has settled down into an almost daily downpour in the afternoon, with the occassional really spectacular rains starting in the evening. I love watching it out of my apartment, seeing the road flood in less than 15 minutes, with rain so loud you can't hear the stereo or tv.

Mid April saw the most amazing thing ever... Songkran. The water festival where inundation of all is the name of the game. I couldn't quite believe the scene when I walked out my door 10 yards and had a screaming 5 year old come straight up to me and blast me with his water gun... got to the top of the road and there were just hundreds of people in trucks or by the side of the road just hurling buckets of water at eachother, many of which were filled with ice! I was intending to go the the local Food Market, at the bottom of my street so got on a motrobike taxi and got maybe 15 yards before I was soaked through from head to toe. The book I had brought to peruse while I ate was sodden and my phone was buggered (took 2 days in front of the fan to fix it). But it was immensely fun, needless to say I went down to my favorite bar to find a scene of utter watery abandon, promptly bought the biggest water gun I could find and joined in. It has to be experienced to be truly understood... I honestly felt that I hadn't had such fun since I was 10 years old!

Life here has become more challenging recently given the romantic complications and pain, made the harder for not being busied by work since I am between roles, but my love of Thailand continues, its big contradictions, it's extraordinary play of characters. Nowhere else can you meet the sort of people I meet here... criminals, writers, Marines on R&R from Iraq, Intelligence officers from the UK, every type of businessman, holidaymaker, traveller, teacher, saint and sinner... all bathed in the intense trolical Sunshine. Splendid.

Culture Shock

Just a few notes to kick things off about habits and customs of Thailand which some may find amusing, disconcerting or just plain weird:

• Food - Don't be surprised to find yourself eating the following foodstuffs. Grasshoppers, baby frogs, rats, dung beetles, raw cow shit fresh from the intestine, roasted ants, chicken bums, chicken gristle, hearts & kidneys on a stick, duck heads.
• Boys and Girls - Lady boys are considered the best employees by Thai companies as they are never late for work, are always pleasant and are commited... I guess you'd have to know commitment inside out if you're willing to go through that process.
• Boys and Girls - Try not to kiss and knoodle in public as its considered bad form, this in the country with the highest percentage of prostitutes in the world.
• Police - Don't be surprised to find a police road block while driving and to have an armed police man finguring his weapon while extorting money from you... not usually a lot of money but still. It is safe to assume that all police are corrupt.
• Pubs and Clubs - All pubs and clubs must close at 2am... unless the police are there, so don't be surprised to be playing pool and getting drunk with a cop at 4am.
• Pubs and Clubs - Sang Som is a local Rum Whisky... apparently made with some form of amphetamine so you can keep drinking till dawn. And it costs about 200 baht a bottle, about £3 UK or $6 US.

I will keep adding to this page as and when I run across another surprise. The image above is from the excellent bangkokbob.net, a excellent account of all things Thailand and Bangkok from an expat. The image is not representative of the general attitude of Thai girls or people in general, quite the opposite in fact.

Welcome to Bangkok (NOT IN DATE ORDER)

Although Qatar airways beats BA hands down for modern airplanes and quality of both service and food, I still cannot recommend more than 10 hours on a flight... my 16 hours indirect journey from London to Bangkok via Qatar nearly killed me... I was so utterly dazed that, upon arriving in my guesthouse and asking what time it was, I promptly went to the bar to get a beer, not realizing she meant 6am rather than 6pm.

Initial impression on driving up from the airport were quite positive; lovely and warm...positively hot. Clean roads and streets, neat pressed and well turned out people... my initial thought was that it was like an ideal cross between India and London (more so when you see 7/11 stores and Tesco everywhere, not to mention every major UK manufacturer of sweets and confections) a sort of organised and self respecting laid back-ness... an initial thought that has been fully borne out through the ensuing days.

I slept fitfully through what turned out to be some sort of weird meteorological freak of an afternoon, it was 37 centigrade for christs sake... my Lonely Planet clearly states that the maximum average for Nov/Dec is a mellow and bearable 31. I started out on a hot and sweaty half dream state and headed downstairs to the bar to rehydrate with beer and get the lowdown on this damnable weather. Discovered that 37C daytime and 31/32C nightime is the norm for Bangkok this time of year and they scoffed at LP! Which is why Bangkok is the hottest city on Earth... it may not reach the highest temperatures such as many Middle Eastern and North African cities do... but you find any other place on Earth where nightime temperature can stay so stiffling. So it is the hottest city on Earth, on average.

Guesthouse was somewhat disappointing, thought it would be a bit neater, a bit friendlier but they gave me pretty good instructions and directions to the extraordinary Bangkok nightlife... which I folllowed as you will read. The skytrain in Bangkok is great, fast, clean and air conditioned. As is the underground system, though neither of them is terribly extensive, they are still a pleasure to use if only to get out of the heat and humidity.

Another great way to get out of the heat is by visiting the Malls, they are everywhere and seem to be the central gathering and entertainment points... vast and cool and full of every sort of saleable item and entertainment and food-stuff. We go there sometimes in the afternoon for a bit of shopping, then go and get some food, then a massage then go play pool and drink beer till the early hours.

So I asked the English chap on the desk about where to go to sample Bangkok nightlife and recieved directions to a place called Nana, on the skytrain route, and from there, further instructions to head down the road and around the corner. An hour later I was lost and headed into a nearby bar which seemed to be a gathering for westerners. Sat down next to 3 guys and promptly introduced myself and got to chatting. 3 Swiss guys called Peter, Francois and Off (yes, I asked him 3 times and got the same name back 3 times, Off). The first thing I noticed was all the beautiful girls hanging out at the bar (actually a beer garden style place), and the shy glances and flirtatious smiles we were recieving. Thus began my education into Thai girly bars!

Most of the girls there were available for some fun, paid fun at that, and nor are they shy if they fancy the look of you. I caught the eye of one particularly attractive young lady, who blushed and giggled with her friend then sauntered over, to tell me that her friend fancied me. I looked over and found she was gesticulating wildly as if to say "Not Him! The other one!". Damn! But I turned back and she said "Thats OK, because I fancy you!", Coy and seductive with fluttering eyelashes. I can see how many a westerner has lost his heart to a Thai girl! So this lovely young thing was called 'Ahh' (no kidding), and her friend who fancied Off, was called (please believe me that this is true!), she was called 'On'. Off and On. Too perfect! But Off was not overly impressed and Peter wanted to show me around a bit so we headed off into Nana Entertainment Plaza.

Well well, I've never seen anything quite like Nana Plaza... must be about 30 odd go-go bars on multiple floors, all aimed at promoting sex with the girls who work there. The one place we went into was a loud bar with a big platform bearing 30 or so polls and mirrors, along which were about 30 odd girls doing their best to look sexy in their g-strings and bra's, each one bearing a number on her bra, not unlike the concept of a chinese restaurant take away; go in, order your number and take your chosen delicacy home.

Now this may sound a bit seedy to some, but the girls have an admirable quality about this business, they require that their job is fun... they genuinely seem to enjoy it (EDIT: EXPERIENCE NOW SHOWS ME THAT THIS OBSERVATION IS NOT TRUE, THEY SEEM TO ENJOY AND CAN ACT AND PRETEND THA IT IS ENJOYABLE, BUT THEY ARE HUMAN AND WHO OF YOU WOULD EVER ENJOY BEING PAID FOR SEX AS A JOB?). Its not as if they are forced to go with any guy that wants them, they have a choice and if they don't like the look of someone they simply beg off. Mind you, this is a business and they do have to make some money, but the money they make is well in excess of what manual Bangkok workers get so they can afford to be a bit picky. And they remain shy and coy, catch the eye of a girl and she will blush and try and hide behind her friends or go running off to giggle with them before getting enough courage to come and speak to you. Amazing. (EDIT: AGAIN, NOT ALWAYS THE CASE, THERE ARE MANY GIRLS WHO ARE NOT SO COY, MANY WHO ARE MORE FORTHRIGHT) The Thai sex industry has a strange sort of fun inncence about it, so unlike the image of the sex industry one builds through living in the UK. That was the only go-go bar I have been into and I could only take it for about 10 minutes, It's a bit like loving chocolate and being in a chocolate factory watching a chocolate show... its all a bit much. Also I had no intention of going with any of the girls, they were certainly fun and friendly to speak to and have a drink with but I am constitutionally unable to pay for sex... (EDIT: UHH... THINGS CHANGE YOU KNOW, PEOPLE CHANGE!)

So we went off to a bar called 'Morning Night' to play pool and listen to the awesome music soundtrack which includes Led Zeppelin, ACDC, Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, Jimi Hendrix etc... like an updated Vietnam movie! Talking of which I have met some extraordinary characters in this bar, ex-marines, Iraqi security forces and private contractors, businessmen, security logistics consultants... but no backpackers, they all stay and party in another area, this bar is where the expats and business people go. Its a fascinating place to hang out and meet people, and, most importantly, play pool. Seems to be the national sport judging by how good everyone is!

The western area is really just Kao San Road, in the West of the city near the river. I went there once but won't be going back anytime soon. The first person I bumped into was the inevitable drunk and bitter Scotsman. I know Scottish accents but I couldn't get what he was saying. Something about watching out here as the people are out to get your money. I asked about that as the Thai people I know are certainly not into that sort of thing... and he said not the Thai people, the Westerners. According to him Khao San Road is the centre for Western con-men to ply their trade with innocent backpackers.

And I discovered this not 3 hours later. I went into the Jonnie Walker pub to play pool and got talking to a couple of American lads, very friendly, buying me drinks etc... then came the sting. They made sure I overheard about how their passports were all the way back at the hotel and that they would have to travel all the way back there to change some travellers cheques as they had run out of cash. Turning to me their new best friend, they asked if I could change them. Haha... they must have thought I'd been born yesterday.

So, plans. I'm talking to a friend in Pattaya/ Jomtien about 2 hours from Bangkok about working just after xmas. My girlfriend, Nam, is away at her village for 10 days, so I will be working and will probably visit Koh Samet island for a bit of beach life.

More later dudes.